This morning I wake up to my boys getting themselves ready as they always do. X6 proceeds to tell me that he did not wet his pull-up which is fantastic. We just put him on medicine last week to retain his urine at night and this is the first day that I just think maybe, just maybe it’s actually going to work. So then N5 proceeds to tell me that he did not wet his pull-up either so I praise him and I ask him to see his pull-up only because 2 days ago he did not realize it was wet and put a smelly pull-up in the box and caused the room to reek – hence I have to ask him to see the pull-up in question. He says “No, I didn’t pee in my pull-up.” I proceed to tell him if he didn’t pee than he has nothing to be afraid of. He was angry and almost melting down when I picked up the soaking wet pull-up out of his box. I looked at him and told him he would be getting a consequence for lying and explained to him that putting a stinky, wet pull-up in his box was not sanitary and that is what made his room smell and that lying would not be tolerated. He was not caring. I asked him to take the pull-up and do the routine with it (put in a bag and throw out), he would not take the pull-up so I said very sternly “Take the pull-up or I will put it on your head.” Needless to say he took the pull-up. Of course I would never put it on his head – but at the moment it seemed fitting to tell him this because he didn’t know I wouldn’t do this and his little defiant attitude needed a reality check! I went in to tell my husband and of course I’m now laughing at myself because of how straight faced I said those words. Every time I tell the story it gets funnier. Case in point I could choose to be very angry right about now at how he lied and how sometimes, just sometimes I feel like we are taking care of Satan’s spawn (I say this lovingly of course), but I choose to focus on what makes me laugh and right about now this is pretty darn funny!
Today BJ is 14 months old. Happy Birthday to him. I really do love this age. He is pretty spectacular. He has a little blister on one of his knees from all of the crawling he does. I think this is a good thing because now he is no longer on his knees and he walks on his hands and feet so we call him Mowgli. He amazes me because he is a little daredevil climbing onto the couches and getting down all by himself and throwing himself onto my bed, but his confidence in walking is not quite there yet. He is still small enough to bathe in the kitchen sink, so I haven’t had the pleasure of breaking my back to bathe him in the tub yet, but since he splashes like nobodies business I think the tub is inevitable at this point. He loves this DVD I got from the library called Baby Songs: Babies Busy Day. It was made in the late 70’s but he’s 1 so he really doesn’t care what their wearing, but you can tell it is very dated, but the songs are great. He’s so funny because he will see me pull down the TV in our kitchen and he will start wheeling his high chair over to the TV to inform me he is ready to watch his show. Too Cute!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Too much chlorine and talking!
Turns out too much chlorine in the pool can be a bad thing! So we went swimming yesterday and my friend Lisa was just bragging to us how her pool is so clean now because all she does is shock it. So my kids went swimming there and when we got home X6 says to me - "Mom my pee pee hurts and it's all red." When we left her house X6 eyes were all squinty and I just figured he was really tired, but turns out he's a little sensitive to the blast of chlorine she shocked her pool with!!!
Ahhhhhh N4 is driving me crazy! He reminds me a lot of myself when I was little. He is 5 now so I guess I should be call him N5, so he is N5 now! Anywho, they are sitting here coloring and I swear the kid has not stopped talking since we sat down 30 minutes ago. Now I know how my parents felt when I talked ALL THE TIME!!! I still drive my DH crazy sometime. I can remember sitting in a movie theater waiting for a movie to start and we were the only ones in the theatre and I was just chatting away and he says under his breath "Woman shut up!" I looked around to see who he was talking about because I assumed he could not be talking to me I thought maybe he was reading something off the movie screen and then I realized he was talking to me!! We both started busting out laughing because for some odd reason it was just halarious, but now I can't remember why! Anyway, now I know how he feels sometimes you just want to sit in silence.
Ahhhhhh N4 is driving me crazy! He reminds me a lot of myself when I was little. He is 5 now so I guess I should be call him N5, so he is N5 now! Anywho, they are sitting here coloring and I swear the kid has not stopped talking since we sat down 30 minutes ago. Now I know how my parents felt when I talked ALL THE TIME!!! I still drive my DH crazy sometime. I can remember sitting in a movie theater waiting for a movie to start and we were the only ones in the theatre and I was just chatting away and he says under his breath "Woman shut up!" I looked around to see who he was talking about because I assumed he could not be talking to me I thought maybe he was reading something off the movie screen and then I realized he was talking to me!! We both started busting out laughing because for some odd reason it was just halarious, but now I can't remember why! Anyway, now I know how he feels sometimes you just want to sit in silence.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Fun Filled Summer
Well the summer hiatus is over and registration for school began last night. Here are the summer updates:
Baby J - which I will refer to as BJ from now on is still with us. His BM's rights were not terminated at court because technically her 12 months service plan did not begin until BJ was 6 months old because they were waiting for a paternity test on the boyfriend (who may I remind you is NOT the father). Anywho, she has to have her full 12 months to prove to everyone she is an unfit parent who has maybe come to a handfull of visits all summer long. Her visits were reinstated back in July, however, since they were reinstated she has only seen BJ 1 time and missed 4 visits in a row.
BJ has developed by leaps and bounds. He is now taking steps, not quite walking, but taking steps. Sooo cute. His hair is soo curly in the back it is adorable. I'm sure he will lose those curls with the first cut - which BM asked us to cut his hair - but no way am I doing that until absolutely necessary. He is right around 20 pounds and he is no longer in the baby carrier anymore. He is a bit too long for that so we had to switch him to a front facing car seat. He loves it. He turns 14 months on 8/18. He has been pretty healthy all summer long until this week he came down with a croupy cough. Dr. put him back on the Prednisoline for a few days. He is still on the inhaler/spacer taking Flovent 2 x a day and it has helped tremendously. He has a follow-up with his pulmonolgist next week. Fun times! BJ no longer takes bottles only drinks out of sippy cups. I probably would have kept him on a bottle for a while longer at least at bed time, but the CW really frowned on it and said he should be having a sippy cup by the time he was 1. I guess everyone is different because a ton of my friends kept their kids on bottles until they were at least 2. Now if only I could get him potty trained before his sister comes. Yes, that's right BM is having a girl which is due in October. BJ and she will only be 16 months apart. I'm excited and petrified all at once. Of course there are no guarantees we will get her, but that is the plan. My mom did this amazing mural in BJ's room. I will have to post it. Not today, but soon.
We still have N4 and X6.
X6 had his IEP done back in May and they found that he does need lots of extra services and I'm so glad that he is going to get these. He is going into 1st grade so this will be a big transition for him to be in school all day. He is reading like a fene and loves it. We can't go anywhere without him reading some sign or box. It's especially akward at the library when he reads the innaproriate stuff out loud. Nothing too bad just a little PG-13 reading on some of the movie covers. Gotta love those times. He's been enjoying his summer riding bikes, going to birthday parties and enjoying taking field trips at summer camp. Their camp is pretty cool they go bowling, to the movies and have water day every week.
N4, N4, N4 what can I say he is hand full. We have had our ups and downs with him this summer that is for sure. We had a 3 hour long meeting with their CW and his supervisor regarding this one. We had therapy for him, but it was more like therapy for my husband and the therapist only saw N4 1 time before she told us she was leaving and her internship was over so we would be getting a new intern, which she is starting to see my DH next week. They belive N4 has some kind of AD (attachment disorder). N4 has lost his priveleges to go on field trips with his summer camp because when they went bowling, he was in a time out and he decided to go to the arcade with another kid he is not suppose to be playing with because as you can see why they get into too much trouble together. The daycare thought him going on field trips was a safety issue and we agreed. He can reinstate his privleges when he has had 3 good days without incident, but that hasn't happened yet and really there is only 1 week of field trips left. We found out last night that N4 will have X6 Kindergarten teacher at school so we feel like she is in for a rude awakening. She won't even be able to believe they are brothers because X6 is very compliant, however, as a teacher she must know siblings can be very extreme! Don't get me wrong N4 has had a pretty good summer, but in times like these we tend to focus on the negatives, but I have to remind myself he just turned 5 and he has been through a lot. These are the days where as foster parents you have to wonder why anyone would do this for the money!!!!!!
Baby J - which I will refer to as BJ from now on is still with us. His BM's rights were not terminated at court because technically her 12 months service plan did not begin until BJ was 6 months old because they were waiting for a paternity test on the boyfriend (who may I remind you is NOT the father). Anywho, she has to have her full 12 months to prove to everyone she is an unfit parent who has maybe come to a handfull of visits all summer long. Her visits were reinstated back in July, however, since they were reinstated she has only seen BJ 1 time and missed 4 visits in a row.
BJ has developed by leaps and bounds. He is now taking steps, not quite walking, but taking steps. Sooo cute. His hair is soo curly in the back it is adorable. I'm sure he will lose those curls with the first cut - which BM asked us to cut his hair - but no way am I doing that until absolutely necessary. He is right around 20 pounds and he is no longer in the baby carrier anymore. He is a bit too long for that so we had to switch him to a front facing car seat. He loves it. He turns 14 months on 8/18. He has been pretty healthy all summer long until this week he came down with a croupy cough. Dr. put him back on the Prednisoline for a few days. He is still on the inhaler/spacer taking Flovent 2 x a day and it has helped tremendously. He has a follow-up with his pulmonolgist next week. Fun times! BJ no longer takes bottles only drinks out of sippy cups. I probably would have kept him on a bottle for a while longer at least at bed time, but the CW really frowned on it and said he should be having a sippy cup by the time he was 1. I guess everyone is different because a ton of my friends kept their kids on bottles until they were at least 2. Now if only I could get him potty trained before his sister comes. Yes, that's right BM is having a girl which is due in October. BJ and she will only be 16 months apart. I'm excited and petrified all at once. Of course there are no guarantees we will get her, but that is the plan. My mom did this amazing mural in BJ's room. I will have to post it. Not today, but soon.
We still have N4 and X6.
X6 had his IEP done back in May and they found that he does need lots of extra services and I'm so glad that he is going to get these. He is going into 1st grade so this will be a big transition for him to be in school all day. He is reading like a fene and loves it. We can't go anywhere without him reading some sign or box. It's especially akward at the library when he reads the innaproriate stuff out loud. Nothing too bad just a little PG-13 reading on some of the movie covers. Gotta love those times. He's been enjoying his summer riding bikes, going to birthday parties and enjoying taking field trips at summer camp. Their camp is pretty cool they go bowling, to the movies and have water day every week.
N4, N4, N4 what can I say he is hand full. We have had our ups and downs with him this summer that is for sure. We had a 3 hour long meeting with their CW and his supervisor regarding this one. We had therapy for him, but it was more like therapy for my husband and the therapist only saw N4 1 time before she told us she was leaving and her internship was over so we would be getting a new intern, which she is starting to see my DH next week. They belive N4 has some kind of AD (attachment disorder). N4 has lost his priveleges to go on field trips with his summer camp because when they went bowling, he was in a time out and he decided to go to the arcade with another kid he is not suppose to be playing with because as you can see why they get into too much trouble together. The daycare thought him going on field trips was a safety issue and we agreed. He can reinstate his privleges when he has had 3 good days without incident, but that hasn't happened yet and really there is only 1 week of field trips left. We found out last night that N4 will have X6 Kindergarten teacher at school so we feel like she is in for a rude awakening. She won't even be able to believe they are brothers because X6 is very compliant, however, as a teacher she must know siblings can be very extreme! Don't get me wrong N4 has had a pretty good summer, but in times like these we tend to focus on the negatives, but I have to remind myself he just turned 5 and he has been through a lot. These are the days where as foster parents you have to wonder why anyone would do this for the money!!!!!!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Suspended Visits and Extended Visits!
It's been awhile, but here are the updates. Baby J's BM got all her visits suspended until further notice. Apparently we found out that she locked the CW in her house and wouldn't let her out and was verbally abusing her. Needless to say that does not look good on BM. It has been 2 Friday visits so far and the permanency hearing is June 9, 2007 where the courts could look to terminate moms rights. We are hoping for this so please pray that this happens. Mom is sooo not stable and she does not ever seem to be with her sickness. She is just not capable and being pregnant and on low medication does not help, but neither does being in a co-dependant relationship.
Good news is N4 and X6 have gotten extended visits. Their BP's have finished all of their programs and DCFS has increased their visit time. Not by much from one hour a week to 2 hours a week, but at least it's something. Well I'm exhausted so I'm going to try and catch a nap while everyone is sleeping!
Good news is N4 and X6 have gotten extended visits. Their BP's have finished all of their programs and DCFS has increased their visit time. Not by much from one hour a week to 2 hours a week, but at least it's something. Well I'm exhausted so I'm going to try and catch a nap while everyone is sleeping!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Lung doctor and soccer games
Baby J had his follow-up pulmonolgist appointment last Thursday and he is finally off of everything nebulizer!!! Yippee!!! We did get yelled at for using the blow-by treatments instead of the mask because the pulmonologist said it should be illegal for respiratory therapist to suggest blow-by treatments becuase the kids get less than 10% of the medicine when it is disbursed this way. But I feel like if the kid won't let us put the mask on his face 10% is better than no percent!!! Baby J is now on MDI treatments. Which is basically an inhaler with a face mask attached - so instead of a 20 minute nebulizer treatment 5 times a day he is getting 2 - 20 second sprays through the inhaler. I guess he was too little at 6 months to try this on him so now that he is older we can use the MDI. Baby J is finally looking and feeling really good which is huge.
N4 and X6 had their first soccer game on Saturday. N4 has really improved his attitude during soccer because we told him if he acted up he was off the team. I guess that really worked because up until the day of the game he thought he was kicked off the team. Of course our club does not keep score at this leve, but you better believe the kids were keeping score in their heads and 3 out of the 4 quarters we got creamed. We have to coach to games simultaneously so DH is on one field and I am on another and in the 3rd quarter I created my dream team with our players and we won that quarter 4 to 0. I was happy to see that it is not the coaches, but the players that make the game. My DH is forming a game plan for our next practice so our kids will at least know which way to go during the game.
N4 and X6 permanency hearing is next month and it totally snuck up on us because I guess we did not put it in the calander so the CASA worker said that this is a really big deal because the judge is going to determine which direction this case should go. I was hoping the kids would be able to go back home by May, but this doesn't seem to be the case. Looks like the dad still has a lot of work to do before they can go home. I guess it's just more of the same wait and see.
N4 and X6 had their first soccer game on Saturday. N4 has really improved his attitude during soccer because we told him if he acted up he was off the team. I guess that really worked because up until the day of the game he thought he was kicked off the team. Of course our club does not keep score at this leve, but you better believe the kids were keeping score in their heads and 3 out of the 4 quarters we got creamed. We have to coach to games simultaneously so DH is on one field and I am on another and in the 3rd quarter I created my dream team with our players and we won that quarter 4 to 0. I was happy to see that it is not the coaches, but the players that make the game. My DH is forming a game plan for our next practice so our kids will at least know which way to go during the game.
N4 and X6 permanency hearing is next month and it totally snuck up on us because I guess we did not put it in the calander so the CASA worker said that this is a really big deal because the judge is going to determine which direction this case should go. I was hoping the kids would be able to go back home by May, but this doesn't seem to be the case. Looks like the dad still has a lot of work to do before they can go home. I guess it's just more of the same wait and see.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Happy Easter
Baby J's BM did not make her visit on the 3/28 so her first visit to see Baby J was April 3rd, so it had been 6 weeks since she saw him. My DH was surprised when he walked into the visit and BM's brother and wife and 3 kids were there for the visit. Not thinking and being totally caught off gaurd the brother asked for our e-mail address and my husbands phone # to keep in touch and not thinking my DH gave it to him. Luckily the e-mail address he gave them was wrong by mistake of course. DH said they seemed like really nice people and they were from out of town visiting for the Holiday weekend. Seems like BM lies to her family because they had no clue that we had Baby J since he was born and they didn't know anything about him being soo sickly.
I guess a fear would be that they want to take him, but the CW said they have no rights to Baby J whatsoever, so that would not happen. Of course we don't know if BM will ever get him back, but if she doesn't we want to be the first in line to adopt him and I know that doesn't always work out that way as I can tell from many of your stories.
N4 has been pretty low key lately. Not too much drama - a few episodes here and there. Like the screaming match we had this morning. He likes to yell at me when my DH is not around. If my DH was around it would never happen. How do they know these things! So I have to get my stern strict voice on and get him to submit because sweet, loving mom is not cutting it on those days.
I might have said this, but we signed N4 and X6 up for soccer and they had their first practice on Saturday. My DH is the Head Coach and I am the Assistant Coach. Practice did not go well. Now I know why 4 year olds are not allowed on the team. We are allowed to have N4 on the team if we are the coaches, but the whole time N4 didn't want to do anything everyone else was doing and he kept saying he wanted to go play on the swings. Fun times!!! My DH wants him off the team, but I think we are going to give him one more try and let him know exactly what is expected of him. X6 did pretty well. Got a little tired, but that's a good thing.
We had a great Easter other than getting called out of church to take Baby J to the hospital. He was throwing up yellow stuff and he kept doing it and crying so we took him to the emergency room. Found out he was throwing up phlegm because he had so much of it because of all of the congestion. We finally got squeezed into the pulmonologist this coming Thursday morning after waiting 2 weeks since his last episode. I'm not sure if I'm really happy about it or not because no one has been able to help him thus far. I am just going to pray that there is some kind of break through for this poor baby. Here we had taken him off of 4 medications because they weren't working and after he got out of the hospital they put him on 2 more. Will it never end! This kid is a walking pharmacy.
The weather is starting to get nicer and it has been soo nice to put the kids outside to play in the yard. They love it and I love it. This winter has been hard on all of us. I'm so glad to have Spring here. Can't wait for summer and BBQ's. Although it is tuff to put the kids to bed at 7-7:30 when it is still daylight outside!!! I guess I will have to invest in some room darkening blinds or some denim curtains. Any other suggestions besides letting the kids stay up. We find that putting them to bed at the latest 7:30pm gives my husband and I some sanity and alone time which really helps the marriage. Also, they just get into bed at 7:30pm and listen to a Patch the Pirate CD (a story with music) to fall asleep too. Works wonders.
I guess a fear would be that they want to take him, but the CW said they have no rights to Baby J whatsoever, so that would not happen. Of course we don't know if BM will ever get him back, but if she doesn't we want to be the first in line to adopt him and I know that doesn't always work out that way as I can tell from many of your stories.
N4 has been pretty low key lately. Not too much drama - a few episodes here and there. Like the screaming match we had this morning. He likes to yell at me when my DH is not around. If my DH was around it would never happen. How do they know these things! So I have to get my stern strict voice on and get him to submit because sweet, loving mom is not cutting it on those days.
I might have said this, but we signed N4 and X6 up for soccer and they had their first practice on Saturday. My DH is the Head Coach and I am the Assistant Coach. Practice did not go well. Now I know why 4 year olds are not allowed on the team. We are allowed to have N4 on the team if we are the coaches, but the whole time N4 didn't want to do anything everyone else was doing and he kept saying he wanted to go play on the swings. Fun times!!! My DH wants him off the team, but I think we are going to give him one more try and let him know exactly what is expected of him. X6 did pretty well. Got a little tired, but that's a good thing.
We had a great Easter other than getting called out of church to take Baby J to the hospital. He was throwing up yellow stuff and he kept doing it and crying so we took him to the emergency room. Found out he was throwing up phlegm because he had so much of it because of all of the congestion. We finally got squeezed into the pulmonologist this coming Thursday morning after waiting 2 weeks since his last episode. I'm not sure if I'm really happy about it or not because no one has been able to help him thus far. I am just going to pray that there is some kind of break through for this poor baby. Here we had taken him off of 4 medications because they weren't working and after he got out of the hospital they put him on 2 more. Will it never end! This kid is a walking pharmacy.
The weather is starting to get nicer and it has been soo nice to put the kids outside to play in the yard. They love it and I love it. This winter has been hard on all of us. I'm so glad to have Spring here. Can't wait for summer and BBQ's. Although it is tuff to put the kids to bed at 7-7:30 when it is still daylight outside!!! I guess I will have to invest in some room darkening blinds or some denim curtains. Any other suggestions besides letting the kids stay up. We find that putting them to bed at the latest 7:30pm gives my husband and I some sanity and alone time which really helps the marriage. Also, they just get into bed at 7:30pm and listen to a Patch the Pirate CD (a story with music) to fall asleep too. Works wonders.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Vacation
I am back from vacation and I feel like I never left. My BIL's wedding was beautiful the Beach house was gorgeous and the weather - not so much! It was cold, windy and overcast for 2 of the 4 days were were there. One of the days was partially sunny, but cool for the most part. When we left to go from SC to NC Baby J got sick 4 days into our vacation and decided to stay sick for the rest of the time. I had to call a my doctor to call a couple of prescriptions into the Walgr**ns in NC and who new that Medicaid was not nation wide. Not me! So $100 later Baby J was drugged up and cranky as ever for the second half of our vacation. Did I mention I also got sick and am still sick. I finally went to the doctor yesterday because I felt like Baby J and I had been transferring our sickness back and forth to each other so now I am on an antibiotic for my sinus infection and the doctor said my ear was flaming red and was surprised that I wasn't in severe pain because I have an ear infection too. I also took Baby J to see the doctor because he is still hacking up a lung so now he is on an antibiotic, a steroid, 3 different nebulizer drugs and singulair.
We picked up N4 and X6 on Sunday and to our delight Ms. J said that X6 was an Angel and N4 had his moments and that he was filled with lots of anger. Not that we delighted in him being bad, but the fact that he was consistant. I was a little afraid that he would be great for Ms. J and not want to leave her house. It was a fear that somehow I am inadequate and I am the one doing something horribly wrong to make him act out, but oh no, Ms. J told us quite a few stories how N4 acted out and needed time outs and naps when he would get out of hand. Throwing food and toys and hitting X6 to name a few incidents. I guess it didn't help that they were allowed to play Grand Theft Auto and watch scary movies at Ms. J's house. The first thing out of their mouths to us were "guess what we got to play Grand Theft Auto and I had 1 fatality and I shot a police officer. Woo hoo should I be excited about this! I did have to explain the next morning to them how inappropriate it is for kids their age to play games like this when they kept talking about this game constantly.
The CASA worker told us that she visited the kids at Ms. J's house and they were completely different. They were fighting and arguing and couldn't keep their hands off of each other and just being really ornary and bad where as when they are at our house she knows we don't put up with that stuff - her words! X6 teacher told us that she noticed that X6's reading has gotten worse since we've been gone because I guess Ms. J did not do homework with him. I can't believe a kid can forget everything he's learned in 12 days. This just goes to show you that when all kids do is play video games at home it does hurt their learning. All in all though we thought the transition back from vacation would be a lot harder, but fortunately it has not been too tough. We have actually tried to relax our rules a little bit because of a parent counselor we talked with while on vacation - it's my friends mom who we stayd with. She gave us a lot of tips on how to handle N4 and so far so good.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Morning Sickness!!!!
Is everyone sitting down? Well Baby J's BM is pregnant!!!!! This is not the mom that I thought was pregnant so that's another story. I'm sure not so astonishing out there for all of you novices of FC, but needless to say DH and I are in shock!!! The CW called my DH this morning to tell him the visit for Baby J was on (my DH drives him now since the car service had to be cancelled). Anyway a few minutes later the CW called back to say the visit had been cancelled. The CW continued to ask my DH how many children were we licensed for and of course he said 4 and she said "Keep that 4th slot open because someone has morning sickness." I have mixed emotions about this, because of course we would take this baby in a heart beat, but to have a baby come into this situation is always heart breaking, but I have to remember they are still one of God's miracles no matter how they come into the world and they have a purpose! There are so many things that could happen with this baby because of course the father is different then Baby J's so this boyfriend could have family that might step up to the plate and of course the father is involved now, but his background is worse than the BM's. Please pray for this baby that the Lord would keep him safe.
In other news, N4 did get a couple of time outs yesterday and yes one had to do with the game boy, so we are thinking about giving the games back to the BP's because of all of the contention that they cause. These kids are just not mature enough to handle those games and if it is a battle everytime we have to take them away why should they even get them? ? I wonder what the parents will say - but like the CW says "Our House Our Rules."
I have so much to do before our trip I hope I get it all done. So far N4 has not wet his pull-up in like 4 days!!! Yippee!! X6 on the other hand has been a pretty consistant wetter. No end in sight and I'm just hoping that bed wetting isn't a problem for Ms. J. I did let her know, but saying you can handle it and actually handling it are 2 different things, as I have had to find out the hard way.
In other news, N4 did get a couple of time outs yesterday and yes one had to do with the game boy, so we are thinking about giving the games back to the BP's because of all of the contention that they cause. These kids are just not mature enough to handle those games and if it is a battle everytime we have to take them away why should they even get them? ? I wonder what the parents will say - but like the CW says "Our House Our Rules."
I have so much to do before our trip I hope I get it all done. So far N4 has not wet his pull-up in like 4 days!!! Yippee!! X6 on the other hand has been a pretty consistant wetter. No end in sight and I'm just hoping that bed wetting isn't a problem for Ms. J. I did let her know, but saying you can handle it and actually handling it are 2 different things, as I have had to find out the hard way.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Never Ending Tantrums
Uggggggh!!! Will it never end. So our 4 year old known as N4 had the worst tantrum last night. Dare I say I believe it was a rage. We almost got the video camera out - if we had one. We have a digital camera that has a video setting, but we couldn't find it and I digress. Anyway, we get on our kids about having good attitudes and not bad attitudes when something doesn't go our way. So N4 got the privelege of playing his game boy that his BP's of course got him because he did not pee in his pull-up (which this has been a great motivation to get up at night and go potty otherwise we probably would not even let them play these games.) Anyway, he was having a bad attitude and grunting angrily at the game, so my DH very nicely says "Bud, if you can't have a good attitude playing the game maybe you should change the game to an easier game that you can play." N4 continued to play the same game and continued to have a bad attitude, my DH finally told him he had to change the game (not a choice this time) and he wouldn't do it, so DH took the game away and N4 was screaming and flailing and out of control. I asked N4 to go downstairs if he was going to carry on because he was scaring the baby and plus it was very loud and we were trying to get dinner ready. My DH walked him downstairs him screaming the whole time and when my DH tried to talk to him he was scratching his hand around his head and I mean literally scratching his hands over the top of his head and kicking and screaming. We did not put him in a time out, my DH simply told him when he could hear that he could stop the tantrum then he could join us. This tantrum went on for at least an hour. N4 never stopped the tantrum until he fell asleep on the couch, which was probably another 1/2 hour later. So for 1.5 hours he was in this rage, just because my DH asked him to change a game that was frustrating him. I have asked their CW on a couple of occassions to get this child tested, but nothing has happened yet and we have had him now for 6 months. X6 was laughing at N4 and we had to tell X6 that it was not funny. These are the kinds of things that worry me about X6 because he does not have the appropriate response to certain situations. I just chalk it up to his brain trauma.
I also got a note from the daycare saying that my bill had not been paid and if it was not paid that day then the kids could not return to school. Lucky me! The CW told me to have them call him and I did and this lady at the daycare keeps stalking me as if I can do something about it. I was told they had worked with DCFS before so they should know how things work. Oh my word . . . the daycare director just called me and told me she has to have this money or the kids will not be coming back. The CW just talked to the finance lady and they said the paperwork would not be processed for another 5-7 days and then the daycare would get paid 2-6 weeks after that! Talk about a slow process. Luckily the director is okay with this. At least for today! Hopefully she will not kick the kids out of school while we are on vacation and they are with a respite provider, but like our licensing worker said - "They are someone else's kids, if there is a problem DCFS will take care of it." But I don't think these workers understand it is not that easy to just give a child over who has been in your care for 6 months without thinking about his well being. I agree with those who say that CW's should be foster parents before they can work in the system, this way they will see how much work and discipline goes into these kids and why we are soo attached even though we all know they are not OUR children!!!!
I also got a note from the daycare saying that my bill had not been paid and if it was not paid that day then the kids could not return to school. Lucky me! The CW told me to have them call him and I did and this lady at the daycare keeps stalking me as if I can do something about it. I was told they had worked with DCFS before so they should know how things work. Oh my word . . . the daycare director just called me and told me she has to have this money or the kids will not be coming back. The CW just talked to the finance lady and they said the paperwork would not be processed for another 5-7 days and then the daycare would get paid 2-6 weeks after that! Talk about a slow process. Luckily the director is okay with this. At least for today! Hopefully she will not kick the kids out of school while we are on vacation and they are with a respite provider, but like our licensing worker said - "They are someone else's kids, if there is a problem DCFS will take care of it." But I don't think these workers understand it is not that easy to just give a child over who has been in your care for 6 months without thinking about his well being. I agree with those who say that CW's should be foster parents before they can work in the system, this way they will see how much work and discipline goes into these kids and why we are soo attached even though we all know they are not OUR children!!!!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Respite Guilt
Okay so DCFS found us respite exactly 1 week before vacation. Nothing is finalized yet and we are still trying to answer any questions this respite provider has. So the boys CW just gives me a phone number and tells me this is the provider, but she has never done respite and she is wondering how she is going to be paid and what she has to provide for the boys and would they have transportation set up for anywhere they needed to go. All legitimate questions, but needless to say it sounded a little like "I don't want to do more than necessary for this paycheck" even though I know none of us are doing it for the money!!!! The CW proceeds to tell me that we could pay the respite provider up front and then we will get reimbursed just to set the respite providers mind at ease that she will be getting paid . . . ugh no thanks! I think I will let DCFS do their job and pay the respite provider. So I call this lady (Ms. J) and I ask her if there are any other kids in the home and she proceeds to tell me that her daughter and son-in-law and their 10 year old daughter live with her as well as a 17 year old grandson and a 1 year old foster baby she just got in February oh and she runs a daycare, but she is not running the daycare at this time. My DH was furious when he heard this because we told our licensing worker that we would be open to more kids and she told us that she didn't think we had the capacity. This is the same worker who licensed Ms. J and we know we have the capacity for 4. Anyway, needless to say we feel really guilty now that we will be leaving the kids with Ms. J - not because she's not a nice woman, but because it is such different dynamic then the boys are use to. I'm going to call THE CW to see what he thinks.
Okay I just called the CW and the licensing worker again and boy somehow or another I feel like an idiot. I'm not sure why, but the licensing worker made me feel like why do I care so much they are not even my kids. I'm a little offended, but at the same time I feel better - is that wrong? I do realized that the kids could have gone straight to Ms. J's house when they went into care so why am I worried about it. I just have to keep telling myself it will be alright and that they are resiliant and they will go with the flow. Any one who has had respite before who has felt this way? Any encouraging words might help to get rid of this guilt!
Friday baby J's mom and boyfriend showed up for the visit. I was a little surprised because they actually had to get there on their own - with the bus pass that was provided to them from the state of course. Baby J's caseworker did call me that morning to tell me she had the flu and just wanted to let me know in case I wanted to cancel the visit. I thought that was very kind of her, but I just told her not to breath on the baby because if Baby J didn't have this visit he would have to have a 4 hour visit with his BM and I proceeded to say that was too long and the CW said she didn't think the BM could handle it for 4 hours and she knows Baby J probably couldn't handle the BM for 4 hours. I was secretly happy to hear this because this just confirms that the CW does realized that the mom definitley has problems. You just never know with these cases what the CW's are thinking. Sometimes all they say is "the goal is 12 month reunification" even if the parents are not doing what they are suppose to. It unerves me because I know that the BM is not dependable. Such is life because "they are not our kids" as we so graciuously have been told. So as one person said before the 2 rules in foster care are:
1. Treat this kids as if they are your own.
2. Remember these kids are not your own.
So I went to my first PTA meeting last night and let me just say I am shocked at the lack of support from parents. There are over 600 kids in this elementary school and only 7 parents were at this PTA. I felt like I was joining a sinking ship because the president just informed them last night that she would not be president next year. I guess this is part of the problem in our society that the parents just don't care. Not to say that if you join the PTA all would be well in the world, but the whole point of the PTA is to better your childs experience and to set up fund raisers to provide better equipment for the schools so that your child can have computers to work on and nice playground equipment instead of rusty old swingsets. To show a sense of pride to your children in your school and get involved in your community. If we do not take the time to put the effort into our schools and communities what are we teaching our children - that others do not matter. That we are a society that is all about me! All about my time and how if I help out I will not have my me time that I soooo deserve. No wonder America is the way that it is, we are no longer teaching children the importance of others and the blessings and satisfaction we can get out of giving our time. We must remember that our children will do what we do not what we say.
Okay I just called the CW and the licensing worker again and boy somehow or another I feel like an idiot. I'm not sure why, but the licensing worker made me feel like why do I care so much they are not even my kids. I'm a little offended, but at the same time I feel better - is that wrong? I do realized that the kids could have gone straight to Ms. J's house when they went into care so why am I worried about it. I just have to keep telling myself it will be alright and that they are resiliant and they will go with the flow. Any one who has had respite before who has felt this way? Any encouraging words might help to get rid of this guilt!
Friday baby J's mom and boyfriend showed up for the visit. I was a little surprised because they actually had to get there on their own - with the bus pass that was provided to them from the state of course. Baby J's caseworker did call me that morning to tell me she had the flu and just wanted to let me know in case I wanted to cancel the visit. I thought that was very kind of her, but I just told her not to breath on the baby because if Baby J didn't have this visit he would have to have a 4 hour visit with his BM and I proceeded to say that was too long and the CW said she didn't think the BM could handle it for 4 hours and she knows Baby J probably couldn't handle the BM for 4 hours. I was secretly happy to hear this because this just confirms that the CW does realized that the mom definitley has problems. You just never know with these cases what the CW's are thinking. Sometimes all they say is "the goal is 12 month reunification" even if the parents are not doing what they are suppose to. It unerves me because I know that the BM is not dependable. Such is life because "they are not our kids" as we so graciuously have been told. So as one person said before the 2 rules in foster care are:
1. Treat this kids as if they are your own.
2. Remember these kids are not your own.
So I went to my first PTA meeting last night and let me just say I am shocked at the lack of support from parents. There are over 600 kids in this elementary school and only 7 parents were at this PTA. I felt like I was joining a sinking ship because the president just informed them last night that she would not be president next year. I guess this is part of the problem in our society that the parents just don't care. Not to say that if you join the PTA all would be well in the world, but the whole point of the PTA is to better your childs experience and to set up fund raisers to provide better equipment for the schools so that your child can have computers to work on and nice playground equipment instead of rusty old swingsets. To show a sense of pride to your children in your school and get involved in your community. If we do not take the time to put the effort into our schools and communities what are we teaching our children - that others do not matter. That we are a society that is all about me! All about my time and how if I help out I will not have my me time that I soooo deserve. No wonder America is the way that it is, we are no longer teaching children the importance of others and the blessings and satisfaction we can get out of giving our time. We must remember that our children will do what we do not what we say.
Monday, February 23, 2009
So I waited on Friday to find out of BM would show up and guess what? Big surprise here. . . Baby J's mom was a no show! The driver went to pick her up and he said he new she was inside, but she would not answer the door. How about that. My DH was a little shocked, because he thought for sure the BM would be there today since she has already missed seeing her son for over 3 weeks. Such is life!
This weekend X6 and N4 have been sick with fever's and coughing so they stayed home from school today. This morning we had X6's domain for his IEP and it seems like they have a pretty good group of people who are going to be helping X6 be all that he can be! The CW was there and my DH and I talked to him afterwards about the baby bump that we saw the mom sporting at the last visit and all he said was "I don't see that being a problem with the case at all." Oh good for a second there I was worried that another child would come into this f****d up situation. Of course I didn't say that, but whatever. Then we proceeded to tell the CW about how we are going to be driving Baby J to his visits and he asked us why? He said if the BM is getting a driving service why are we driving Baby J then his next comment kind of shocked me he said "Never do more than the parents do." Isn't that kind of the reason the kids are the way they are because the parents didn't step up to the plate. Isn't that the kind of situation we want to avoid the kids being in. If I wanted to put the effort in that the parents put in, I wouldn't be doing foster care.
This same CW is the same one who is trying to find respite care for us for when we go to my BIL wedding. I keep pestering him because I told him at the very beginning of January that we would need respite and we are leaving in 2- 1/2 weeks and we still haven't heard anything from him, so I pestered him one more time today and the CW said if we don't find anything by the time we leave then he will take them! Wow, I'm shocked. Part of me wants him to have these kids so he knows what we deal with on a day to day basis and part of me wants them to go to another foster home so this way for one we will finally be put in contact with another foster family in our area. If anyone knows anyone who fosters in Naperville/Bolingbrook, IL area please let me know.
This weekend X6 and N4 have been sick with fever's and coughing so they stayed home from school today. This morning we had X6's domain for his IEP and it seems like they have a pretty good group of people who are going to be helping X6 be all that he can be! The CW was there and my DH and I talked to him afterwards about the baby bump that we saw the mom sporting at the last visit and all he said was "I don't see that being a problem with the case at all." Oh good for a second there I was worried that another child would come into this f****d up situation. Of course I didn't say that, but whatever. Then we proceeded to tell the CW about how we are going to be driving Baby J to his visits and he asked us why? He said if the BM is getting a driving service why are we driving Baby J then his next comment kind of shocked me he said "Never do more than the parents do." Isn't that kind of the reason the kids are the way they are because the parents didn't step up to the plate. Isn't that the kind of situation we want to avoid the kids being in. If I wanted to put the effort in that the parents put in, I wouldn't be doing foster care.
This same CW is the same one who is trying to find respite care for us for when we go to my BIL wedding. I keep pestering him because I told him at the very beginning of January that we would need respite and we are leaving in 2- 1/2 weeks and we still haven't heard anything from him, so I pestered him one more time today and the CW said if we don't find anything by the time we leave then he will take them! Wow, I'm shocked. Part of me wants him to have these kids so he knows what we deal with on a day to day basis and part of me wants them to go to another foster home so this way for one we will finally be put in contact with another foster family in our area. If anyone knows anyone who fosters in Naperville/Bolingbrook, IL area please let me know.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Waiting! and Bedtime rituals
So today I wait. I wait to see if Baby J's mom will show up to the visit. Last night Baby J's SW came over and she did not even know that the BM did not show up for the visit. How is the judge suppose to make an informed decision if the SW's don't even know what is going on. I guess that is our job to inform them of what happens at visits -as wrong as that seems. The SW says the case is going in pretty much the same direction - "whatever that means" and the BM not showing up for the visit is nothing more than her showing her inconsistancy. I did find out that DCFS is finally cutting the driving service so the BM will finally have to find her own way to the visit, which she gets a prepaid bus/train card from DCFS she just has to get herself on it. It's not really amazing how many parents don't show up for visits when they are not constantly reminded and chauffered around to see their kids. I feel like if the parents really wanted to see their kids they would find a way on their own no matter what, because guess what . . . that's what parents do - they do what they have to for their kids.
Bed time at our house is not very fun. We have resorted to separateing X6 and N4 when they get ready for bed or it will take them about 30 minutes to get their PJ's on. No joke we put them in separate rooms and told them to get ready for bed, X6 does great with this new routine, but after 10 minutes we walked back into the room where N4 was and he was standing with only his pants off and playing at the dresser. I'm beginning to think it is N4 who has some serious issues. What would this be called when a child cannot focus on finishing certain tasks they are given.
Conversation from last night at bed time:
DH: Okay guys try not to pee in your pull-ups!
X6: Why?
DH: Are you kidding me? (in a very agitated tone)
Need I say more!
Bed time at our house is not very fun. We have resorted to separateing X6 and N4 when they get ready for bed or it will take them about 30 minutes to get their PJ's on. No joke we put them in separate rooms and told them to get ready for bed, X6 does great with this new routine, but after 10 minutes we walked back into the room where N4 was and he was standing with only his pants off and playing at the dresser. I'm beginning to think it is N4 who has some serious issues. What would this be called when a child cannot focus on finishing certain tasks they are given.
Conversation from last night at bed time:
DH: Okay guys try not to pee in your pull-ups!
X6: Why?
DH: Are you kidding me? (in a very agitated tone)
Need I say more!
Monday, February 16, 2009
I'm not coming today!
Baby J's BM has not seen him for over 2 weeks since he was in the hospital sick and we confirmed on Thursday night that he would be having not 1, but a 2 hour visit with his BM on Friday so the driver picked Baby J up and took him to the visit and the BM's driver went to pick her up and when the driver showed up she just told him, "I'm not coming today." Needless to say I was furious. Poor sick Baby J just went out in the cold and sat in a car for an hour with a stranger to come see his psychotic BM whom he has not seen him in 2 weeks and she totally disses him! Now that just chaffes my hide! My husband kept telling me that this was not a bad thing and it is actually good for Baby J for the court to see that she is sooo undependable and uncaring so I guess I'm thankful in some sick and twisted way, but it just really hurst my heart that someone would do this to my Baby J - the sweetest, cutest most lovable human being I know.
Baby J is doing so much better. His cough is almost completely gone. We have him on about 4 nebulizer treatments a day still, but he is finally off the antibiotic. He has been sleeping through the night and I am just in awe of him. Did I mention while we were in the hospital and he was screaming while getting a port put in that he has a bottom tooth! Soo cute! Oh and he is rocking on all fours ready to crawl, but can only go backwards right now. I put him in tummy time and turned my back for a couple minutes and when I turned around he was 1/2 way under the crib going under backward with his little head popping out! He sits in his little bath on the toddler side and splashes and splashes! He is also eating like a champ and his hand eye coordination is getting sooo good. We took him to a restaurant on Saturday and he was soooo good. I sat him in a high chair and kept tearing little pieces of bread off for him and making him work for his food by putting in front of him and he would feed himself, of course after the meal we realized he wasn't quite hitting his mouth probably 1/2 the time since the floor literally looked like we were at a LoneStar wear you drop your peanut shells on the floor! We tipped good though so that made up for the mess! I hope.
In other news N4 started his new preschool and he came home that night and told me his teacher was mean to him and that she yelled at him. I told him I would talk to her so I did. She told me that he wouldn't go down for nap and I found out that he wouldn't listen to her and he kept telling her no, which is a huge NO NO in our house to tell a teacher no! So he ended up getting himself into a bit of trouble. The next day they came home and they were showing us some questionable dance moves they learned from "the big kids" at school. I guess for the first and last hour the daycare is allowed to put all the ages of kids in 1 room so there can be kids from infant to 12 in one room. I have a problem with this so we are just going to try and be sure that we pick the kids up before this time. They center did tell us that they are going to try and keep a closer eye on the older kids during this time to make sure they are not showing the younger kids any questionable dance moves! I'm not holding my breath. We have been told by this center that N4 and X6 are definitely behind on their numbers and letters. It has been excruciating too lately because X6 cannot remember his birthday for the life of him! These are the kind of times it gets hard and we can really see his brain trauma affecting him. Hence, we have a domain set up at the end of this month.
Yesterday, we had a huge surprise for N4 and X6. We took them to the Children's Museum and out for pizza - WITH THEIR BIRTH MOM AND UNCLE. The dad is in a 30 day clinc so we thought we would take advantage of that and let the mom have some extra time with the kids since she is not the big problem. We were with them for about 4 hours and they had a great time. I can tell the uncle is involved in gangs, but he was very nice nonetheless. A couple months ago N4 had said something about his mom having a baby in her stomach and we thought she may be pregnant, but she has never said anything, well we all thought she may be sporting a baby bump, but we are not 100% sure since she was wearing a sweatshirt. Well it came up at dinner and N4 just kind of blurted it out that she was having a baby and she just started laughing, but never denied or admitted it. And I just jokingly asked N4 "do you want a baby brother or a baby sister," and he said baby brother and that was the end of that!
Baby J is doing so much better. His cough is almost completely gone. We have him on about 4 nebulizer treatments a day still, but he is finally off the antibiotic. He has been sleeping through the night and I am just in awe of him. Did I mention while we were in the hospital and he was screaming while getting a port put in that he has a bottom tooth! Soo cute! Oh and he is rocking on all fours ready to crawl, but can only go backwards right now. I put him in tummy time and turned my back for a couple minutes and when I turned around he was 1/2 way under the crib going under backward with his little head popping out! He sits in his little bath on the toddler side and splashes and splashes! He is also eating like a champ and his hand eye coordination is getting sooo good. We took him to a restaurant on Saturday and he was soooo good. I sat him in a high chair and kept tearing little pieces of bread off for him and making him work for his food by putting in front of him and he would feed himself, of course after the meal we realized he wasn't quite hitting his mouth probably 1/2 the time since the floor literally looked like we were at a LoneStar wear you drop your peanut shells on the floor! We tipped good though so that made up for the mess! I hope.
In other news N4 started his new preschool and he came home that night and told me his teacher was mean to him and that she yelled at him. I told him I would talk to her so I did. She told me that he wouldn't go down for nap and I found out that he wouldn't listen to her and he kept telling her no, which is a huge NO NO in our house to tell a teacher no! So he ended up getting himself into a bit of trouble. The next day they came home and they were showing us some questionable dance moves they learned from "the big kids" at school. I guess for the first and last hour the daycare is allowed to put all the ages of kids in 1 room so there can be kids from infant to 12 in one room. I have a problem with this so we are just going to try and be sure that we pick the kids up before this time. They center did tell us that they are going to try and keep a closer eye on the older kids during this time to make sure they are not showing the younger kids any questionable dance moves! I'm not holding my breath. We have been told by this center that N4 and X6 are definitely behind on their numbers and letters. It has been excruciating too lately because X6 cannot remember his birthday for the life of him! These are the kind of times it gets hard and we can really see his brain trauma affecting him. Hence, we have a domain set up at the end of this month.
Yesterday, we had a huge surprise for N4 and X6. We took them to the Children's Museum and out for pizza - WITH THEIR BIRTH MOM AND UNCLE. The dad is in a 30 day clinc so we thought we would take advantage of that and let the mom have some extra time with the kids since she is not the big problem. We were with them for about 4 hours and they had a great time. I can tell the uncle is involved in gangs, but he was very nice nonetheless. A couple months ago N4 had said something about his mom having a baby in her stomach and we thought she may be pregnant, but she has never said anything, well we all thought she may be sporting a baby bump, but we are not 100% sure since she was wearing a sweatshirt. Well it came up at dinner and N4 just kind of blurted it out that she was having a baby and she just started laughing, but never denied or admitted it. And I just jokingly asked N4 "do you want a baby brother or a baby sister," and he said baby brother and that was the end of that!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Life has been extremely busy here on the homefront. Baby J woke up Tuesday morning and couldn't breath well so we took our first trip to the ER. Remember he has been sick with this chronic cough for 5 months, but the weekend and Monday and Tuesday he had gotten much worse, plus he had constant fever on Mon and Tues. Anywho he was admitted and after seeing the doctor and begging him to see an ENT, he told me he would run a few tests on him and sure enough he came back positive for RSV. 15 minutes later we got the call that he was negative for CF, which we are sooooo sooooo thankful. I asked the doctor back in November if it could be RSV and he said no because his appetite was good. We are not sure if he got the RSV recently when the cough and fever got worse or if he has had it this whole time. I guess that's neither here nor there, I'm just thankful for diagnosis, since it seems he has been tested for everything under the sun. We are still waiting for his allergy tests to come back, so he still may be allergic to something that may be why he's had the chronic cough for 5 months.
Baby J and I finally got to leave the hospital on Thursday afternoon and it was soo good to be out. I had a lot of work to do because we are transfering X6 and N4 to different schools so X6 can get services. We decided to take Baby J out of the daycare since that is probably where he picked up RSV and have my mom watch him for awhile. Starting Monday the boys will be at a daycare and school in our neighborhood, which means no more commuting with them in the car for a 30 minute drive to work. Yay I finally get my quiet time back in the car. It is much needed and I didn't even know how much I would miss it.
I debated whether or not to go to Bunko last night, but I felt like I really needed a break since I was couped up night and day in the hospital so I went. My DH is a saint for letting me go considering he was on the verge of sickness and X6 and N4 had just gotten home from a visit with their parents and they were bouncing off the walls from the sugar high they are always induced with when they are with their parents. Oh the joys of fostering.
The boys SW called yesterday and was telling me a little bit about N4 and X6's case and it seems one of the parents is doing everything in their power to get the boys back, but the other one not so much, so the SW said he doesn't really know if the parents will get the boys back in May. Which got me to thinking about adopting these boys if we ever had the chance. I have not really made myself think about it because the possibility of return home seemed really great. I honestly didn't want to think about adopting them either because each day that went by we got yet another bomb dropped on us about their mental and physical health. I don't want to seem like an oager or anything, but I did not sign up for special needs and I can tell you 100% for sure these kids ARE special needs. I honestly just don't think I am made for special needs kids. I know they always say God never gives you more than you can handle, but I just cannot make the connection with these boys. I try to parent them the best way I know how, but the love and admiration that I have for Baby J will just not kick in. I know it is not the kids faults for having the issues that they have, but their ADHD and constant lack of memory and behavioural issues are really chaffing my hide oh and bedwetting . . . I can't take it anymore. They both pee in their beds and drench everything almost every night. We have tried everything from no pull-ups to plastic pants, to bribing (I mean rewarding) and have finally just thrown in the towel. We have now resorted to having them sleep in sleeping bags on their plastic covered bunk beds with pull-ups on, so if they wet the bed we just have them take their sleeping bags and clothes down to the washer and walah! Clean bedding. No more waiting for their comforter to dry after 3 cycles in the dryer.
Baby J and I finally got to leave the hospital on Thursday afternoon and it was soo good to be out. I had a lot of work to do because we are transfering X6 and N4 to different schools so X6 can get services. We decided to take Baby J out of the daycare since that is probably where he picked up RSV and have my mom watch him for awhile. Starting Monday the boys will be at a daycare and school in our neighborhood, which means no more commuting with them in the car for a 30 minute drive to work. Yay I finally get my quiet time back in the car. It is much needed and I didn't even know how much I would miss it.
I debated whether or not to go to Bunko last night, but I felt like I really needed a break since I was couped up night and day in the hospital so I went. My DH is a saint for letting me go considering he was on the verge of sickness and X6 and N4 had just gotten home from a visit with their parents and they were bouncing off the walls from the sugar high they are always induced with when they are with their parents. Oh the joys of fostering.
The boys SW called yesterday and was telling me a little bit about N4 and X6's case and it seems one of the parents is doing everything in their power to get the boys back, but the other one not so much, so the SW said he doesn't really know if the parents will get the boys back in May. Which got me to thinking about adopting these boys if we ever had the chance. I have not really made myself think about it because the possibility of return home seemed really great. I honestly didn't want to think about adopting them either because each day that went by we got yet another bomb dropped on us about their mental and physical health. I don't want to seem like an oager or anything, but I did not sign up for special needs and I can tell you 100% for sure these kids ARE special needs. I honestly just don't think I am made for special needs kids. I know they always say God never gives you more than you can handle, but I just cannot make the connection with these boys. I try to parent them the best way I know how, but the love and admiration that I have for Baby J will just not kick in. I know it is not the kids faults for having the issues that they have, but their ADHD and constant lack of memory and behavioural issues are really chaffing my hide oh and bedwetting . . . I can't take it anymore. They both pee in their beds and drench everything almost every night. We have tried everything from no pull-ups to plastic pants, to bribing (I mean rewarding) and have finally just thrown in the towel. We have now resorted to having them sleep in sleeping bags on their plastic covered bunk beds with pull-ups on, so if they wet the bed we just have them take their sleeping bags and clothes down to the washer and walah! Clean bedding. No more waiting for their comforter to dry after 3 cycles in the dryer.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Dreaded Mornings and Exceptional Parents
I am really beginning to dread weekday mornings. Because Baby J has been sick my DH has been home with him for the last couple weeks so he gets to sleep in until Baby J gets up which is usually around the time me and the other kids are walking out the door. N4 has been really testing me in the mornings by asking every day if today is his visit. Here's how our conversations go:
N4: Mom is my visit today?
Mom: What day is your visit on?
N4: Friday
Mom: What day is it today?
N4: Tuesday
Mom: I am so proud of you for answering your own question.
N4: Mom is my visit today?
Mom: SHUT UP AND GET DRESSED! HA HA HA Just kidding
I end with a no comment and try to change the subject before N4 has a meltdown. I usually have to wake DH to go in and give N4 a dose of reality. For some reason he responds so much better to DH and does not try his patience. I don't know why N4 must always look for meltdown material when he is with me. I guess because he knows he can push my buttons and that's exactly what he does. So today I am bringing home a calendar so he can check off the days until his visit so at least this question will be a none issue - hopefully.
We have decided to have X6 and N4 no longer take baths together as they have shown some questionable behaviour in the bath tub. We believe it is innocent, but we think it is time to have some boundries and privacy during bath times. I think this will be good for everyone because usually if we let them bathe together there was water all over the place and they were always way too loud and they usually bathed while Baby J was sleeping.
My parents have come over for the last 3 days and it has been wonderful having them around. My mom usually does laundry for me and helps with Baby J so that when I come home all I have to do is enjoy Baby J and bark orders at N4 and X6. Today she is at my home making banana bread for us and tomorrow she will be driving Baby J and I to the Pulmonologist as it is downtown and I am not too fond of driving downtown. I must say she is a life saver. I don't think I appreciate my mom as much as I should. Lord knows she can drive me up a wall sometimes, but I think she means well. If you have ever seen Everybody Love's Raymond - she is Marie! Always getting into everyone's business and stirring up trouble and very nosy always thinking she is right about everything, but she always means well. Do you know anyone like that? I do love her and couldn't even imagine life without my mom or dad for that matter.
N4: Mom is my visit today?
Mom: What day is your visit on?
N4: Friday
Mom: What day is it today?
N4: Tuesday
Mom: I am so proud of you for answering your own question.
N4: Mom is my visit today?
Mom: SHUT UP AND GET DRESSED! HA HA HA Just kidding
I end with a no comment and try to change the subject before N4 has a meltdown. I usually have to wake DH to go in and give N4 a dose of reality. For some reason he responds so much better to DH and does not try his patience. I don't know why N4 must always look for meltdown material when he is with me. I guess because he knows he can push my buttons and that's exactly what he does. So today I am bringing home a calendar so he can check off the days until his visit so at least this question will be a none issue - hopefully.
We have decided to have X6 and N4 no longer take baths together as they have shown some questionable behaviour in the bath tub. We believe it is innocent, but we think it is time to have some boundries and privacy during bath times. I think this will be good for everyone because usually if we let them bathe together there was water all over the place and they were always way too loud and they usually bathed while Baby J was sleeping.
My parents have come over for the last 3 days and it has been wonderful having them around. My mom usually does laundry for me and helps with Baby J so that when I come home all I have to do is enjoy Baby J and bark orders at N4 and X6. Today she is at my home making banana bread for us and tomorrow she will be driving Baby J and I to the Pulmonologist as it is downtown and I am not too fond of driving downtown. I must say she is a life saver. I don't think I appreciate my mom as much as I should. Lord knows she can drive me up a wall sometimes, but I think she means well. If you have ever seen Everybody Love's Raymond - she is Marie! Always getting into everyone's business and stirring up trouble and very nosy always thinking she is right about everything, but she always means well. Do you know anyone like that? I do love her and couldn't even imagine life without my mom or dad for that matter.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Time to see a Pulmonologist
I hate it when I find a blog I love and forget to bookmark it and can't find it again. This has been happening to me whenever I go online. I will have to get better at remembering to bookmark my favorite blogs. It is all quiet right now. Kids are taking naps - all of them and DH and I are taking a break from cleaning out our room. As I told you all before DH is finishing the room downstairs to be his office, so we are trying to make room for the treadmill in our room upstairs. I'm hoping when I get on the treadmill that it stays on the second floor when I jog!
Actually I have been trying to count points (WW) and have been doing fairly well. Yes, I'm trying to lose weight for my BIL wedding in March. I think I can lose a good 10 pounds in 1.5 months if I really try. Hence, putting the treadmill in our room. We just received the itinerary for my BIL's wedding and it's going to be so much fun. It is going to be on the beach in Charleston, SC, but they rented out a beach house for everyone to stay from Wednesday till Sunday so should be fun.
We have already decided that we are not taking N4 and X6 on this trip, there will be too much going on. I'm trying to convince DH that we need my mom to come with us so she can watch J when we need her to and have to do wedding stuff or pre-wedding stuff, but he is adamant about her not coming as of right now, especially since we are driving. You know too much of a good thing can be bad. I'm sure that's what he's thinking.
So J's Dr. wants him to see a Pulmonologist. That is progress, because before he would just tell us kids get coughs in the winter and sometimes don't get over them until Spring. That's that! So needless to say I am happy to hear this news. I think we are going to keep J home another week from daycare or at least until he sees the pulmonologist.
We have decided to enroll X6 in our school district so he can get some services once he gets his IEP done. This way there is no red tape about who's paying for his services. We just now have to take off more time from work to get over to the enrollment office which is conveniently only open from 10am until 3pm. I would love to have that job!
Well I better get going I have to go explain that sharing does not mean getting the toy you want when you want it!
Actually I have been trying to count points (WW) and have been doing fairly well. Yes, I'm trying to lose weight for my BIL wedding in March. I think I can lose a good 10 pounds in 1.5 months if I really try. Hence, putting the treadmill in our room. We just received the itinerary for my BIL's wedding and it's going to be so much fun. It is going to be on the beach in Charleston, SC, but they rented out a beach house for everyone to stay from Wednesday till Sunday so should be fun.
We have already decided that we are not taking N4 and X6 on this trip, there will be too much going on. I'm trying to convince DH that we need my mom to come with us so she can watch J when we need her to and have to do wedding stuff or pre-wedding stuff, but he is adamant about her not coming as of right now, especially since we are driving. You know too much of a good thing can be bad. I'm sure that's what he's thinking.
So J's Dr. wants him to see a Pulmonologist. That is progress, because before he would just tell us kids get coughs in the winter and sometimes don't get over them until Spring. That's that! So needless to say I am happy to hear this news. I think we are going to keep J home another week from daycare or at least until he sees the pulmonologist.
We have decided to enroll X6 in our school district so he can get some services once he gets his IEP done. This way there is no red tape about who's paying for his services. We just now have to take off more time from work to get over to the enrollment office which is conveniently only open from 10am until 3pm. I would love to have that job!
Well I better get going I have to go explain that sharing does not mean getting the toy you want when you want it!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
More Pnemonia
I took J to the Dr. last night and he said he thinks he has the pnemonia back. I cannot believe this! I asked him if we should get a chest x-ray, but Dr. is concerned about too much radiation so we are going to treat him as if he has it so back to every 4 hour nebulizer treatments and steroids. DH was not happy at all and feels like this Dr. is sorely lacking! J has to stay home all week and no going out to daycare or visits with BM. I already notified SW, and she is very supportive so she is going to notify the BM.
I guess this means we have to call WIC and put that off another couple of weeks, which means no formula checks until we get our appointment. J's SW home visit is scheduled for tomorrow night so hopefully we will still be able to do that without any gliches.
I got a phone call from N4 and X6's SW today and he told me that the best way to get services (IEP) for X6 is to enroll him in our school district, otherwise we will have a hard time with our school district paying for his services. That really burns me up because I have been paying taxeas in my district for over 6 years and now that I have a child that could use those taxes, they tell me they won't pay for his services. I should be able to send my FS to any school I please and they should pick up the tab for his IEP because I pay taxes in this school district and he lives with me. I love how the system loves to get around helping kids in need!
Well I am off to go home and relieve my DH from nebulizer duty. Hopefully the house is clean and laundry is done!
I guess this means we have to call WIC and put that off another couple of weeks, which means no formula checks until we get our appointment. J's SW home visit is scheduled for tomorrow night so hopefully we will still be able to do that without any gliches.
I got a phone call from N4 and X6's SW today and he told me that the best way to get services (IEP) for X6 is to enroll him in our school district, otherwise we will have a hard time with our school district paying for his services. That really burns me up because I have been paying taxeas in my district for over 6 years and now that I have a child that could use those taxes, they tell me they won't pay for his services. I should be able to send my FS to any school I please and they should pick up the tab for his IEP because I pay taxes in this school district and he lives with me. I love how the system loves to get around helping kids in need!
Well I am off to go home and relieve my DH from nebulizer duty. Hopefully the house is clean and laundry is done!
Monday, January 19, 2009
IEPs and Coughs
For the past 2 weeks we have started to give the boys some chores around the house such as letting the dogs out and feeding them. Well at least 3 times X6 has left the door wide open after he lets the dogs in, so this morning I had to tell him he is no longer allowed to let the dogs out until he can be more responsible because like all our parents have said in the past "we are not paying to heat the whole neighborhood."
I just heard from X6's caseworker and it seems he is having a few snags trying to find out what school district is suppose to do X6's IEP. The kids go to a daycare/Kindergarten near my work, but we live in a different school district, and X6 last IEP was done in a third school district and all of them are saying that they are not the right resource!!!! Does this sound familiar to anyone!
J now 7 months andstill has a bad cough. He sounds like he is hacking up a lung and all his doctor has done is put him on albutorol for 7 days back in September and he still had it in October so then he added a steroid to the albutorol and then he got pnemonia in November and he was on albutorol through the nebulizer and we have contacted the doctor many times to tell him the cough is not going away and all we get is "some kids just get bad coughs during the winter." Alrighty then! He told us we could keep J on the nebulizer as long as he needs it so we try to give him a treatment only in the mornings because we find that he has a harder time sleeping at night if we give it to him all day. He seems to be doing better, but every once in a while we get reminded that he is not completely healthy when we hear his smokers cough and everyone asks him if he needs another cigarette!!! One lady suggested I switch him to soy milk because it might be an allergy. I jumped on that one and tried it for a week - no such luck - it actually got worse and then his poop was hard as a rock so we switched back to Gentlease, which is the only formula we had any luck with soft poop for him when we first got him. Any suggestions! I know shockingly doctors are not always right!
I just heard from X6's caseworker and it seems he is having a few snags trying to find out what school district is suppose to do X6's IEP. The kids go to a daycare/Kindergarten near my work, but we live in a different school district, and X6 last IEP was done in a third school district and all of them are saying that they are not the right resource!!!! Does this sound familiar to anyone!
J now 7 months andstill has a bad cough. He sounds like he is hacking up a lung and all his doctor has done is put him on albutorol for 7 days back in September and he still had it in October so then he added a steroid to the albutorol and then he got pnemonia in November and he was on albutorol through the nebulizer and we have contacted the doctor many times to tell him the cough is not going away and all we get is "some kids just get bad coughs during the winter." Alrighty then! He told us we could keep J on the nebulizer as long as he needs it so we try to give him a treatment only in the mornings because we find that he has a harder time sleeping at night if we give it to him all day. He seems to be doing better, but every once in a while we get reminded that he is not completely healthy when we hear his smokers cough and everyone asks him if he needs another cigarette!!! One lady suggested I switch him to soy milk because it might be an allergy. I jumped on that one and tried it for a week - no such luck - it actually got worse and then his poop was hard as a rock so we switched back to Gentlease, which is the only formula we had any luck with soft poop for him when we first got him. Any suggestions! I know shockingly doctors are not always right!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Happy New Year Finally Writing in 2009!
Well Happy New Year to anyone and everyone. I'm going to try and commit to writing at least once a month if not more if I can. At least that is my hope for now. The Holidays are over and we had many challenges as you might have expected since our honeymoon stage with N4 & X6 is over and done.
Thanksgiving is a blur, but definitely manageable since we had it at our house and we were able to put the kids to bed in their own beds at bedtime. Christmas was however quite different. It seems like we have been celebrating Christmas forever.
For Christmas we went to Arizona to be with my in-laws in their 2 bedroom apartment and of course we brought all the kids. It was let's say not quite the vacations I remember from life without kids and 7 people in a 2 bedroom apartment with only one living area was quite hard. We were there for 2 weeks and had planned a trip to Vegs for my DH and I while my MIL watched the kids, but we had 1 date night before our overnight trip and my MIL had to call us home and told us it would be too much for them to watch all the kids for 2 days. Such is life. I understand that they didn't sign up for this, but her being an Early Child Development Teacher I thought maybe she could handle it for a couple days! Whatever! She did let us have another date night while we were there so it was nice to get away for a night.
I have been really struggling with mourning my old life. I think maybe because DH and I have had 9 years of just us time it has definitely been a hard transition to add N4 and X6 to our family. J was easy because he is a baby and how could you not love and bond with a helpless infant who coos and cuddles with you and thinks of you as his mom, but N4 and X6 come with lots of baggage and lots of attitude and lots of "my mom does this and my dad let's us do this." Well guess what "My house my rules - end of story."
N4 has had some behavioural issues such as tantrums when he doesn't get his way, and direct disobedience when he is told to do something. He also does things on purpose to have a reason to act out. Like he knows he is not allowed to take toys to school except on Fridays, but will ask repeatedly to take toys after we have told him not to ask again, which escalates into him getting a time out and throwing a tantrum. All things I really don't have time for in the mornings.
X6 on the other hand we thought was sweet as pie for the first couple months, but just recently he has turned this corner where everything N4 has he wants or if we ask X6 to share with N4 he will silently cry, wimpering like we just took away his favorite puppy. On top of that irritating behaviour he does not seem to comprehend anything we tell him. We can call him over to us and say no running in the house and he will turn around and run back to his room. He constantly is saying he is hungry even though we have eaten less than a 1/2 hour ago and he can never remeber what he ate at the last meal and don't get me started on when he scares me telling me that he threw up yesterday and I find out what he means by yesterday is last month!!!!
They can be very sweet kids and we do enjoy them, but life as I new it is over and that fact seems to magnify N4 and X6's behaviour as I am selfishly thinking "Why am I doing this." Has anyone else ever felt this way? I feel like maybe I am too selfish to be a foster parent to kids who aren't mine and will never be mine. At least with J there is more of a chance he will be ours and even if he never does become ours there is something about having an infant who is so very helpless that makes them easier to care for, plus it helps that everyone else wants to hold an infant and take care of him for me if I need to run an errand, which is more than I can say for wild 4 and 6 year olds.
We had J's dispositional hearing last Tuesday and within the first 5 minutes it seemed like the Judge wanted to terminate his BM's rights, but when he asked our caseworker what she thought all she said was "it is DCFS's goal to have reunification within 12 months." I about had a coranary. When we got out of there my husband point blank asked her what the heck and she explained to us, that DCFS wants to give them enough rope to hang themselves and who are we to say that she can't change and she has to be given the same opportunity as any other parent to get her crap together. I sort of understood her point, but I'm not happy with it, however, at least we know we have J for another 6 months which means we get to throw him his 1 year birthday party, which I am soooo excited about.
I have to go because N4 and X6 do not know what sit quietly and read books and do puzzles means so I have to put them downstairs to watch a movie so J can nap.
Thanksgiving is a blur, but definitely manageable since we had it at our house and we were able to put the kids to bed in their own beds at bedtime. Christmas was however quite different. It seems like we have been celebrating Christmas forever.
For Christmas we went to Arizona to be with my in-laws in their 2 bedroom apartment and of course we brought all the kids. It was let's say not quite the vacations I remember from life without kids and 7 people in a 2 bedroom apartment with only one living area was quite hard. We were there for 2 weeks and had planned a trip to Vegs for my DH and I while my MIL watched the kids, but we had 1 date night before our overnight trip and my MIL had to call us home and told us it would be too much for them to watch all the kids for 2 days. Such is life. I understand that they didn't sign up for this, but her being an Early Child Development Teacher I thought maybe she could handle it for a couple days! Whatever! She did let us have another date night while we were there so it was nice to get away for a night.
I have been really struggling with mourning my old life. I think maybe because DH and I have had 9 years of just us time it has definitely been a hard transition to add N4 and X6 to our family. J was easy because he is a baby and how could you not love and bond with a helpless infant who coos and cuddles with you and thinks of you as his mom, but N4 and X6 come with lots of baggage and lots of attitude and lots of "my mom does this and my dad let's us do this." Well guess what "My house my rules - end of story."
N4 has had some behavioural issues such as tantrums when he doesn't get his way, and direct disobedience when he is told to do something. He also does things on purpose to have a reason to act out. Like he knows he is not allowed to take toys to school except on Fridays, but will ask repeatedly to take toys after we have told him not to ask again, which escalates into him getting a time out and throwing a tantrum. All things I really don't have time for in the mornings.
X6 on the other hand we thought was sweet as pie for the first couple months, but just recently he has turned this corner where everything N4 has he wants or if we ask X6 to share with N4 he will silently cry, wimpering like we just took away his favorite puppy. On top of that irritating behaviour he does not seem to comprehend anything we tell him. We can call him over to us and say no running in the house and he will turn around and run back to his room. He constantly is saying he is hungry even though we have eaten less than a 1/2 hour ago and he can never remeber what he ate at the last meal and don't get me started on when he scares me telling me that he threw up yesterday and I find out what he means by yesterday is last month!!!!
They can be very sweet kids and we do enjoy them, but life as I new it is over and that fact seems to magnify N4 and X6's behaviour as I am selfishly thinking "Why am I doing this." Has anyone else ever felt this way? I feel like maybe I am too selfish to be a foster parent to kids who aren't mine and will never be mine. At least with J there is more of a chance he will be ours and even if he never does become ours there is something about having an infant who is so very helpless that makes them easier to care for, plus it helps that everyone else wants to hold an infant and take care of him for me if I need to run an errand, which is more than I can say for wild 4 and 6 year olds.
We had J's dispositional hearing last Tuesday and within the first 5 minutes it seemed like the Judge wanted to terminate his BM's rights, but when he asked our caseworker what she thought all she said was "it is DCFS's goal to have reunification within 12 months." I about had a coranary. When we got out of there my husband point blank asked her what the heck and she explained to us, that DCFS wants to give them enough rope to hang themselves and who are we to say that she can't change and she has to be given the same opportunity as any other parent to get her crap together. I sort of understood her point, but I'm not happy with it, however, at least we know we have J for another 6 months which means we get to throw him his 1 year birthday party, which I am soooo excited about.
I have to go because N4 and X6 do not know what sit quietly and read books and do puzzles means so I have to put them downstairs to watch a movie so J can nap.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
