So I waited on Friday to find out of BM would show up and guess what? Big surprise here. . . Baby J's mom was a no show! The driver went to pick her up and he said he new she was inside, but she would not answer the door. How about that. My DH was a little shocked, because he thought for sure the BM would be there today since she has already missed seeing her son for over 3 weeks. Such is life!
This weekend X6 and N4 have been sick with fever's and coughing so they stayed home from school today. This morning we had X6's domain for his IEP and it seems like they have a pretty good group of people who are going to be helping X6 be all that he can be! The CW was there and my DH and I talked to him afterwards about the baby bump that we saw the mom sporting at the last visit and all he said was "I don't see that being a problem with the case at all." Oh good for a second there I was worried that another child would come into this f****d up situation. Of course I didn't say that, but whatever. Then we proceeded to tell the CW about how we are going to be driving Baby J to his visits and he asked us why? He said if the BM is getting a driving service why are we driving Baby J then his next comment kind of shocked me he said "Never do more than the parents do." Isn't that kind of the reason the kids are the way they are because the parents didn't step up to the plate. Isn't that the kind of situation we want to avoid the kids being in. If I wanted to put the effort in that the parents put in, I wouldn't be doing foster care.
This same CW is the same one who is trying to find respite care for us for when we go to my BIL wedding. I keep pestering him because I told him at the very beginning of January that we would need respite and we are leaving in 2- 1/2 weeks and we still haven't heard anything from him, so I pestered him one more time today and the CW said if we don't find anything by the time we leave then he will take them! Wow, I'm shocked. Part of me wants him to have these kids so he knows what we deal with on a day to day basis and part of me wants them to go to another foster home so this way for one we will finally be put in contact with another foster family in our area. If anyone knows anyone who fosters in Naperville/Bolingbrook, IL area please let me know.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Waiting! and Bedtime rituals
So today I wait. I wait to see if Baby J's mom will show up to the visit. Last night Baby J's SW came over and she did not even know that the BM did not show up for the visit. How is the judge suppose to make an informed decision if the SW's don't even know what is going on. I guess that is our job to inform them of what happens at visits -as wrong as that seems. The SW says the case is going in pretty much the same direction - "whatever that means" and the BM not showing up for the visit is nothing more than her showing her inconsistancy. I did find out that DCFS is finally cutting the driving service so the BM will finally have to find her own way to the visit, which she gets a prepaid bus/train card from DCFS she just has to get herself on it. It's not really amazing how many parents don't show up for visits when they are not constantly reminded and chauffered around to see their kids. I feel like if the parents really wanted to see their kids they would find a way on their own no matter what, because guess what . . . that's what parents do - they do what they have to for their kids.
Bed time at our house is not very fun. We have resorted to separateing X6 and N4 when they get ready for bed or it will take them about 30 minutes to get their PJ's on. No joke we put them in separate rooms and told them to get ready for bed, X6 does great with this new routine, but after 10 minutes we walked back into the room where N4 was and he was standing with only his pants off and playing at the dresser. I'm beginning to think it is N4 who has some serious issues. What would this be called when a child cannot focus on finishing certain tasks they are given.
Conversation from last night at bed time:
DH: Okay guys try not to pee in your pull-ups!
X6: Why?
DH: Are you kidding me? (in a very agitated tone)
Need I say more!
Bed time at our house is not very fun. We have resorted to separateing X6 and N4 when they get ready for bed or it will take them about 30 minutes to get their PJ's on. No joke we put them in separate rooms and told them to get ready for bed, X6 does great with this new routine, but after 10 minutes we walked back into the room where N4 was and he was standing with only his pants off and playing at the dresser. I'm beginning to think it is N4 who has some serious issues. What would this be called when a child cannot focus on finishing certain tasks they are given.
Conversation from last night at bed time:
DH: Okay guys try not to pee in your pull-ups!
X6: Why?
DH: Are you kidding me? (in a very agitated tone)
Need I say more!
Monday, February 16, 2009
I'm not coming today!
Baby J's BM has not seen him for over 2 weeks since he was in the hospital sick and we confirmed on Thursday night that he would be having not 1, but a 2 hour visit with his BM on Friday so the driver picked Baby J up and took him to the visit and the BM's driver went to pick her up and when the driver showed up she just told him, "I'm not coming today." Needless to say I was furious. Poor sick Baby J just went out in the cold and sat in a car for an hour with a stranger to come see his psychotic BM whom he has not seen him in 2 weeks and she totally disses him! Now that just chaffes my hide! My husband kept telling me that this was not a bad thing and it is actually good for Baby J for the court to see that she is sooo undependable and uncaring so I guess I'm thankful in some sick and twisted way, but it just really hurst my heart that someone would do this to my Baby J - the sweetest, cutest most lovable human being I know.
Baby J is doing so much better. His cough is almost completely gone. We have him on about 4 nebulizer treatments a day still, but he is finally off the antibiotic. He has been sleeping through the night and I am just in awe of him. Did I mention while we were in the hospital and he was screaming while getting a port put in that he has a bottom tooth! Soo cute! Oh and he is rocking on all fours ready to crawl, but can only go backwards right now. I put him in tummy time and turned my back for a couple minutes and when I turned around he was 1/2 way under the crib going under backward with his little head popping out! He sits in his little bath on the toddler side and splashes and splashes! He is also eating like a champ and his hand eye coordination is getting sooo good. We took him to a restaurant on Saturday and he was soooo good. I sat him in a high chair and kept tearing little pieces of bread off for him and making him work for his food by putting in front of him and he would feed himself, of course after the meal we realized he wasn't quite hitting his mouth probably 1/2 the time since the floor literally looked like we were at a LoneStar wear you drop your peanut shells on the floor! We tipped good though so that made up for the mess! I hope.
In other news N4 started his new preschool and he came home that night and told me his teacher was mean to him and that she yelled at him. I told him I would talk to her so I did. She told me that he wouldn't go down for nap and I found out that he wouldn't listen to her and he kept telling her no, which is a huge NO NO in our house to tell a teacher no! So he ended up getting himself into a bit of trouble. The next day they came home and they were showing us some questionable dance moves they learned from "the big kids" at school. I guess for the first and last hour the daycare is allowed to put all the ages of kids in 1 room so there can be kids from infant to 12 in one room. I have a problem with this so we are just going to try and be sure that we pick the kids up before this time. They center did tell us that they are going to try and keep a closer eye on the older kids during this time to make sure they are not showing the younger kids any questionable dance moves! I'm not holding my breath. We have been told by this center that N4 and X6 are definitely behind on their numbers and letters. It has been excruciating too lately because X6 cannot remember his birthday for the life of him! These are the kind of times it gets hard and we can really see his brain trauma affecting him. Hence, we have a domain set up at the end of this month.
Yesterday, we had a huge surprise for N4 and X6. We took them to the Children's Museum and out for pizza - WITH THEIR BIRTH MOM AND UNCLE. The dad is in a 30 day clinc so we thought we would take advantage of that and let the mom have some extra time with the kids since she is not the big problem. We were with them for about 4 hours and they had a great time. I can tell the uncle is involved in gangs, but he was very nice nonetheless. A couple months ago N4 had said something about his mom having a baby in her stomach and we thought she may be pregnant, but she has never said anything, well we all thought she may be sporting a baby bump, but we are not 100% sure since she was wearing a sweatshirt. Well it came up at dinner and N4 just kind of blurted it out that she was having a baby and she just started laughing, but never denied or admitted it. And I just jokingly asked N4 "do you want a baby brother or a baby sister," and he said baby brother and that was the end of that!
Baby J is doing so much better. His cough is almost completely gone. We have him on about 4 nebulizer treatments a day still, but he is finally off the antibiotic. He has been sleeping through the night and I am just in awe of him. Did I mention while we were in the hospital and he was screaming while getting a port put in that he has a bottom tooth! Soo cute! Oh and he is rocking on all fours ready to crawl, but can only go backwards right now. I put him in tummy time and turned my back for a couple minutes and when I turned around he was 1/2 way under the crib going under backward with his little head popping out! He sits in his little bath on the toddler side and splashes and splashes! He is also eating like a champ and his hand eye coordination is getting sooo good. We took him to a restaurant on Saturday and he was soooo good. I sat him in a high chair and kept tearing little pieces of bread off for him and making him work for his food by putting in front of him and he would feed himself, of course after the meal we realized he wasn't quite hitting his mouth probably 1/2 the time since the floor literally looked like we were at a LoneStar wear you drop your peanut shells on the floor! We tipped good though so that made up for the mess! I hope.
In other news N4 started his new preschool and he came home that night and told me his teacher was mean to him and that she yelled at him. I told him I would talk to her so I did. She told me that he wouldn't go down for nap and I found out that he wouldn't listen to her and he kept telling her no, which is a huge NO NO in our house to tell a teacher no! So he ended up getting himself into a bit of trouble. The next day they came home and they were showing us some questionable dance moves they learned from "the big kids" at school. I guess for the first and last hour the daycare is allowed to put all the ages of kids in 1 room so there can be kids from infant to 12 in one room. I have a problem with this so we are just going to try and be sure that we pick the kids up before this time. They center did tell us that they are going to try and keep a closer eye on the older kids during this time to make sure they are not showing the younger kids any questionable dance moves! I'm not holding my breath. We have been told by this center that N4 and X6 are definitely behind on their numbers and letters. It has been excruciating too lately because X6 cannot remember his birthday for the life of him! These are the kind of times it gets hard and we can really see his brain trauma affecting him. Hence, we have a domain set up at the end of this month.
Yesterday, we had a huge surprise for N4 and X6. We took them to the Children's Museum and out for pizza - WITH THEIR BIRTH MOM AND UNCLE. The dad is in a 30 day clinc so we thought we would take advantage of that and let the mom have some extra time with the kids since she is not the big problem. We were with them for about 4 hours and they had a great time. I can tell the uncle is involved in gangs, but he was very nice nonetheless. A couple months ago N4 had said something about his mom having a baby in her stomach and we thought she may be pregnant, but she has never said anything, well we all thought she may be sporting a baby bump, but we are not 100% sure since she was wearing a sweatshirt. Well it came up at dinner and N4 just kind of blurted it out that she was having a baby and she just started laughing, but never denied or admitted it. And I just jokingly asked N4 "do you want a baby brother or a baby sister," and he said baby brother and that was the end of that!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Life has been extremely busy here on the homefront. Baby J woke up Tuesday morning and couldn't breath well so we took our first trip to the ER. Remember he has been sick with this chronic cough for 5 months, but the weekend and Monday and Tuesday he had gotten much worse, plus he had constant fever on Mon and Tues. Anywho he was admitted and after seeing the doctor and begging him to see an ENT, he told me he would run a few tests on him and sure enough he came back positive for RSV. 15 minutes later we got the call that he was negative for CF, which we are sooooo sooooo thankful. I asked the doctor back in November if it could be RSV and he said no because his appetite was good. We are not sure if he got the RSV recently when the cough and fever got worse or if he has had it this whole time. I guess that's neither here nor there, I'm just thankful for diagnosis, since it seems he has been tested for everything under the sun. We are still waiting for his allergy tests to come back, so he still may be allergic to something that may be why he's had the chronic cough for 5 months.
Baby J and I finally got to leave the hospital on Thursday afternoon and it was soo good to be out. I had a lot of work to do because we are transfering X6 and N4 to different schools so X6 can get services. We decided to take Baby J out of the daycare since that is probably where he picked up RSV and have my mom watch him for awhile. Starting Monday the boys will be at a daycare and school in our neighborhood, which means no more commuting with them in the car for a 30 minute drive to work. Yay I finally get my quiet time back in the car. It is much needed and I didn't even know how much I would miss it.
I debated whether or not to go to Bunko last night, but I felt like I really needed a break since I was couped up night and day in the hospital so I went. My DH is a saint for letting me go considering he was on the verge of sickness and X6 and N4 had just gotten home from a visit with their parents and they were bouncing off the walls from the sugar high they are always induced with when they are with their parents. Oh the joys of fostering.
The boys SW called yesterday and was telling me a little bit about N4 and X6's case and it seems one of the parents is doing everything in their power to get the boys back, but the other one not so much, so the SW said he doesn't really know if the parents will get the boys back in May. Which got me to thinking about adopting these boys if we ever had the chance. I have not really made myself think about it because the possibility of return home seemed really great. I honestly didn't want to think about adopting them either because each day that went by we got yet another bomb dropped on us about their mental and physical health. I don't want to seem like an oager or anything, but I did not sign up for special needs and I can tell you 100% for sure these kids ARE special needs. I honestly just don't think I am made for special needs kids. I know they always say God never gives you more than you can handle, but I just cannot make the connection with these boys. I try to parent them the best way I know how, but the love and admiration that I have for Baby J will just not kick in. I know it is not the kids faults for having the issues that they have, but their ADHD and constant lack of memory and behavioural issues are really chaffing my hide oh and bedwetting . . . I can't take it anymore. They both pee in their beds and drench everything almost every night. We have tried everything from no pull-ups to plastic pants, to bribing (I mean rewarding) and have finally just thrown in the towel. We have now resorted to having them sleep in sleeping bags on their plastic covered bunk beds with pull-ups on, so if they wet the bed we just have them take their sleeping bags and clothes down to the washer and walah! Clean bedding. No more waiting for their comforter to dry after 3 cycles in the dryer.
Baby J and I finally got to leave the hospital on Thursday afternoon and it was soo good to be out. I had a lot of work to do because we are transfering X6 and N4 to different schools so X6 can get services. We decided to take Baby J out of the daycare since that is probably where he picked up RSV and have my mom watch him for awhile. Starting Monday the boys will be at a daycare and school in our neighborhood, which means no more commuting with them in the car for a 30 minute drive to work. Yay I finally get my quiet time back in the car. It is much needed and I didn't even know how much I would miss it.
I debated whether or not to go to Bunko last night, but I felt like I really needed a break since I was couped up night and day in the hospital so I went. My DH is a saint for letting me go considering he was on the verge of sickness and X6 and N4 had just gotten home from a visit with their parents and they were bouncing off the walls from the sugar high they are always induced with when they are with their parents. Oh the joys of fostering.
The boys SW called yesterday and was telling me a little bit about N4 and X6's case and it seems one of the parents is doing everything in their power to get the boys back, but the other one not so much, so the SW said he doesn't really know if the parents will get the boys back in May. Which got me to thinking about adopting these boys if we ever had the chance. I have not really made myself think about it because the possibility of return home seemed really great. I honestly didn't want to think about adopting them either because each day that went by we got yet another bomb dropped on us about their mental and physical health. I don't want to seem like an oager or anything, but I did not sign up for special needs and I can tell you 100% for sure these kids ARE special needs. I honestly just don't think I am made for special needs kids. I know they always say God never gives you more than you can handle, but I just cannot make the connection with these boys. I try to parent them the best way I know how, but the love and admiration that I have for Baby J will just not kick in. I know it is not the kids faults for having the issues that they have, but their ADHD and constant lack of memory and behavioural issues are really chaffing my hide oh and bedwetting . . . I can't take it anymore. They both pee in their beds and drench everything almost every night. We have tried everything from no pull-ups to plastic pants, to bribing (I mean rewarding) and have finally just thrown in the towel. We have now resorted to having them sleep in sleeping bags on their plastic covered bunk beds with pull-ups on, so if they wet the bed we just have them take their sleeping bags and clothes down to the washer and walah! Clean bedding. No more waiting for their comforter to dry after 3 cycles in the dryer.
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